INFANT ADOPTION-FAQ'S

What is the difference between open adoption and an agency placement?

Currently in Virginia , there is no longer a specific distinction between an open adoption and an agency placement adoption. Agency placements are now allowed to be fully open (i.e. identifying information is shared between birth and adoptive parents) if all parties prefer to conduct the adoptive process in that way. It is also still an option to complete an agency placement adoption without exchanging information, this is frequently referred to as a “closed” adoption. The term open adoption refers to the sharing of information and/or contact between the adoptive and biological parents of an adopted child. This can occur before, during and/or after the placement of the child. (Baran and Pannor, 1993) Open adoption, whether through a Parental Placement or Agency Placement. allows the birth parents the opportunity to make an individualized plan for their child and play an active role in selecting an adoptive family. It allows adoptive parents access to information about birth family history and the opportunity to get to know the birth parents and begin parenting the child at birth. Birth and Adoptive Parents together determine the degree of openness and together they make a plan for on-going contact that is mutually agreeable. Coordinators²inc will assist birth and adoptive parents in determining what level of contact they are most comfortable agreeing to and will assist in negotiating on-going contact agreements. An on-going contact agreement made between birth and adoptive parents is not legally enforceable nor contractually binding.

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I am just starting to look into adopting an infant.  Where should I start?

The first place to start is to contact various agencies within your area to receive information packets and attend their orientation meetings. Be prepared to ask the agency various questions in regard to their fees, placement statistics, flexibility and services offered.  After choosing an agency you feel comfortable working with, most agencies require you to submit an application. Once an applicatin is received, an adoption social worker will contact you to begin the home study process. 

Coordinators²inc provides an Infant and Intercountry Orientation meeting to help you explore your choices. Check out our Workshop schedule for the date and time of our next meeting. We also provide a one-on-one consultation service for families who prefer to meet in private with one of our professionals to explore their options. There is a nominal fee of $60/hr for this service and you may contact Rebecca Ricardo to schedule a consultation appointment. If you have already attended an orientation and are interested in filling out an application, please Contact Us.

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What is involved in the home study process?

Please see our Infant Adoption Getting Started page for answers to this question.

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How do I become connected with a potential birth mother?

The number one way that our families become connected with potential birth parents are through word of mouth.  We encourage our families to let friends and family members know they are interested in adopting.  We also encourage our families to create profiles, which they can pass out to potential birth mothers once they are connected.  A profile is a snapshot look at your life through a letter written to the potential birthmother about who you are and a summary about your life, career, hobbies, etc.  Families include pictures with captions of their family, home, animals and anything that they feel best represents who they are.  We give our families names of colleges, doctor's offices and other places that may potentially take their profile.  Coordinators²inc also has a profile book that we keep profiles in of prospective adoptive parents that potential birth mothers can look through.   We also help explore the options of advertising in newspapers, Internet and other places of interest. 

There also is the opportunity to work with an out of state agency that works with potential birth mothers.  Some of our clients choose to have their home study completed through us and then work with an agency in another state that guarantees a placement within a certain period of time.  The out of state agencies charge anywhere between $10,000-$40,000 for this service.  This is something you can explore with your social worker if you are interested.

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How often do the birth parents change their mind?

The percentage of cases in which a birth parent changes his/her mind is actually only about 5%; however, if it happens to you or someone you know, it can feel like it happens all the time.  If the birth parent is going to change his/her mind, it is more likely that it will happen in the hospital after delivery.  However, there are cases that the birth parent changes her mind after the child has been home with the adoptive parents.  Please refer to the law section to review the legal process to read about the revocation period, which is the time in which the birth parent has to change his or her mind. No agency can promise or guarantee that a placement will be successful. There are no "risk free" adoptions and each birth parent and adoptive parent should talk with their social worker about assessing which risks they are most comfortable with as they make their decision on the type of adoption to pursue.

In order to facilitate informed and uncoerced decision making on the part of birth parents, Coordinators²inc provides each birth parent with a separate social worker.

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Will the birth parents show up years later and want their child back?

This is a common question and misperception that adoptive parents have when first exploring open adoption.  Once the adoption has been finalized through a court order, the adoptive parent(s) are the legal parent of that child. Virginia Code states that a final order of adoption is "not subject to attack after six months". Virginia law also requires that, after the revocation period expires and prior to the final order, if the adoption is contested, the best interest of the child will be the determining factor in any decision.

When adoptive parents ask this question we typically find that there is also an underlying and understandable fear of feeling a sense of claiming and entitlement to your child.  This is something that your social worker will help process with you so that you can find a way in which fitting the birth parent into your child's and your life that will be comfortable and not stressful to you or the child.

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What kind of contact will I have with the birth family of my child?

One of the advantages of an open adoption is the opportunity for contact between the adoptive parents and the biological family, which can help provide children with knowledge about their true roots and identity.

The level and type of contact you will have will be determined by you and the birth parent you choose to work with. After adoption, the most typical contact is periodic exchange of letters and pictures between the two families. Children's questions, curiosity and need to know about family history are normal and to be expected. Coordinators²inc believes that the more knowledge, empathy and understanding the adoptive family has about their child's birth family, the greater their ability to answer the child's questions, to talk positively about the birth family and to help a child form a healthy and positive identity.

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Will my child feel the same way about me as birth children feel about their parents?

A child does not have to be born to you to attach and bond with you.  Think of the many relationships in your life of loved ones (spouses, in-laws, friends, family members, etc.) that you have bonded and attached with that are not blood relatives. There are many other ways in which you as an adoptive parent can enhance the bonding and attachment process. Your social worker will explore these with you during the home study process. The act of caring for the infant through feedings and changings, nurturing, loving, and providing the basic needs are what promotes a healthy attachment and begins the bonding process between you and your child.

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How long does the whole process take?

Your home study can be completed in 2 to 4 months, sooner if there is a need to "rush" the process because of the due date of a birth parent. Most of our Parental Placement families achieve placement within a year from the beginning of the process. It is rare that a family waits longer than 2 years.

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What is the overall cost of adopting a child through a Parental Placement adoption?

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