Waiting Child Adoption

There is a family for every child; we just have to find the right family
by Sharon Richardson

In January 2001, I first met Josh. At age 13, he was a very guarded, non-trusting, bright, out spoken, mischievous cute guy who adamantly said he didn't want and wasn't going to be adopted. He had spent his childhood living with his birth mother, relatives and foster families. He questioned everything, feared nothing and trusted no one. I was to prepare Josh for adoption and recruit a family for him. “No way”, he said to me.

In September 2001, I first met Art. He was single, had dealt with a lot in his own life, was a dad to two now grown sons and he wanted to parent again. Art wanted to give something back to children who had experienced losses, insecurity and rejection. Art had lots of experience as a social worker and as a parent. Coordinators 2 inc completed his home study and began the process of reading about children for whom Art could be a resource. The child needed to be ready for an adoptive family, not abuse animals, respond to some direction and grow to be independent with emotional support.

Josh and I met a lot and talked about his early life, about meeting new families and his fears about adoption. Josh didn't call them fears, as he “wasn't afraid of anything”. Josh had experienced many disappointments in his life and had built a big wall around his heart. He tested every statement, every limit and tried to push folks away before they could push him away. His testing, his defiance and his pushing worked in the four families where he had lived.

Art and I had been sharing information back and forth about particular children. In October 2001, I called Art telling him about a 13 year old who needed a family right away, as his current placement wasn't working. I told him the child wasn't ready to talk about it being a permanent placement due to this additional disruption in his life. I told him that Josh's fears caused him to act defiantly and explained how he would try just about anything to see if Art could make him feel safe, ‘handle him' and stay committed, “be there for ever, no matter what”! I shared all the information I had about Josh. Could Art be the cowboy who would ride the bucking bronco, holding on and never letting go? We both felt he had the experience, the understanding and the commitment to be a permanent placement for Josh.

So one morning in October, I sat with Josh on the sofa of the house where he was living and we talked about the anger, sadness and fears that we both felt. Josh said he didn't have any fears or sadness, just anger. He said his goodbyes and we headed to the beach. We sat on the beach and talked about what had been happening recently in his life. He played in the sand, rented a bike and rode up and down the boardwalk and met a family from Germany. We talked about how life wasn't fair and that it would be hard to trust anyone again. We ate Chinese food and we began the 2 ½ hour trip to Art's. We talked about Art and I tried to answer all his questions. We talked about his needing a family where he would be safe, where the adult could help him control his behavior, where the adult could advocate for him when it was needed and where the adult would do fun things with him and be there no matter what.

Josh and Art both smiled when they saw one another. Art gave us the grand tour and we all talked and when Josh said it was ok for me to leave I headed back to Richmond. I met with Art and Josh over the next 6 months. Josh had told Art long before he told me that he wanted to stay there forever and even wanted to be adopted. So on January 15, 2003, the adoption was finalized. Adoption hasn't changed Josh's constant questioning of authority, his having to always test the waters, or his need for everything to be ‘fair'. But adoption has given Josh a permanent family where he can continue to learn to view the world in a new way and begin to learn to trust because he has a dad who has been there through thick and thin, never gives up on his son, is a great advocate with the community and school systems, provides structure and yet flexibility and who is nurturing and caring.